Ha HA!
I do it every time.
So tonight we met our peer tutors, and mine, Haitham, is a great guy! Already holding my hand (that's normal in Jordan, by the way). He's so happy to finally meet me, and I him.
After iftar, we went to a mosque for a class of mine: Intro to Islam. I start out doing what everyone's doing, prostrating and all, and then I made some friends, of course! A bunch of kids, Abdullah, Ahmed, Ahmed, another one I cannot pronounce, and I was practicing my 3arabi. We decided to ditch services to go drink some tea in the back. So fun. So when it was time for us to go, people were like "dude you always know people," as always, haha. If I sound pompous yet, just you wait.
We go out to the street, and a car comes past, "Ibrahim!" It's Hani shouting from a car, and everyone goes, wait.. what? I feel like I own the streets, when people call my names from all different directions.
This is me in Amman.
--Ibrahim
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
connect
This is me updating my blog!
I want to make a few points. Shame. We had a discussion in my internship class the other day about shame versus guilt. In America, there is a lot of guilt. However, Jordan is a shame-based society. Shame and pride. Shame and honor. It's true, too, most of the time. A taxi driver will test my honor to see if he can a) rip me off, b) pretend not to understand to where I am going, or c) rip me off. This is just an example, and I know that the taxi driver example seems to be overused in this blog, but it is truly the most common and frequent cultural clash that I have in my day-to-day life here. When I am persistent in getting what I deserve, going where I need to go and paying the correct amount, I have won his respect and I come off as an honorable person, no matter how rude I must be in order to win it.
At the same time, this works on the flipside. If a friend and I were to get into an argument and that friend comes to apologize for being rude or forgive me for doing something wrong, he most likely will not say so. His presence is simply enough of a gesture to show that we are on better terms. We move on. Bring up the instance again, and that could be the end of the friendship, even if I am trying to apologize. It's over! Get over it! Swallow your pride and move on, do not bring up that shameful moment again because it is far to uncomfortable and serious to ever want to acknowledge that it happened. It won't go away, but you can leave it for what it is without drawing attention to it. That's the Arab mindset about honor and shame.
In addition to this glimpse into my understanding of this topic, I wish to discuss travel and relationships. I am privileged to have traveled independently quite a bit, as many of you know. Why did I go to Spain? Well, to practice my Spanish and feel the culture, the Spanish life, the air in Spain, see it, taste it, hear it, smell it. I did that, but I sure did make some great Irish friends there. Learned about Ireland, Northern Ireland, their culture, their accent, lifestyle, attitudes, mindsets. In fact, I happened to learn more French in England than I did in France! I made a French friend on the way over.
The point is, I'm here to learn Arabic, meet Arabs, learn in the Arab mindset, feel the Arab culture, and immerse myself. I find that no matter where you are, the people who come into your life are in your life. I'm not in Jordan to search for American or Jewish friends, nor am I here to practice my Norwegian, Spanish, or Hebrew. But guess what, as much as I am apart from my life at home, I am still in a part of my life. It's great to meet people with whom I can do all of these things while at the same time surround myself with all of the 3arabiyya that I want. I will connect with whom I will connect with, and that's just what I'm doing. One of my closest friends since first grade lives across the street, and that's comforting and exciting. I bond with people who are eerily similar to me, come from eerily similar backgrounds, and even saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at the same inappropriate young age as me. I know Jews, Arabs, Armenians, Catholics, (Half) Asians, Caucasians from Asia, sensational people. How exciting this liberally conservative metropolis is!
That being said, it's late, and I am tired. It was a long week with a lot of soul searching. Seeing Israel all weekend put it in perspective that that world is just so close. I am closer to Jerusalem than all of the people in Tel Aviv. I'm not permitted to cross that border in this program, and well, that makes me uncomfortable for reasons including my inability to be open about my heritage here as well as my need for independence and freedom. Travel request forms, what a bitch.
Goodnight to all, wherever in the world you may be reading this from. Ramadan is over in 4 days, and I cannot wait for lunch dates to resume.
--Ibrahim
I want to make a few points. Shame. We had a discussion in my internship class the other day about shame versus guilt. In America, there is a lot of guilt. However, Jordan is a shame-based society. Shame and pride. Shame and honor. It's true, too, most of the time. A taxi driver will test my honor to see if he can a) rip me off, b) pretend not to understand to where I am going, or c) rip me off. This is just an example, and I know that the taxi driver example seems to be overused in this blog, but it is truly the most common and frequent cultural clash that I have in my day-to-day life here. When I am persistent in getting what I deserve, going where I need to go and paying the correct amount, I have won his respect and I come off as an honorable person, no matter how rude I must be in order to win it.
At the same time, this works on the flipside. If a friend and I were to get into an argument and that friend comes to apologize for being rude or forgive me for doing something wrong, he most likely will not say so. His presence is simply enough of a gesture to show that we are on better terms. We move on. Bring up the instance again, and that could be the end of the friendship, even if I am trying to apologize. It's over! Get over it! Swallow your pride and move on, do not bring up that shameful moment again because it is far to uncomfortable and serious to ever want to acknowledge that it happened. It won't go away, but you can leave it for what it is without drawing attention to it. That's the Arab mindset about honor and shame.
In addition to this glimpse into my understanding of this topic, I wish to discuss travel and relationships. I am privileged to have traveled independently quite a bit, as many of you know. Why did I go to Spain? Well, to practice my Spanish and feel the culture, the Spanish life, the air in Spain, see it, taste it, hear it, smell it. I did that, but I sure did make some great Irish friends there. Learned about Ireland, Northern Ireland, their culture, their accent, lifestyle, attitudes, mindsets. In fact, I happened to learn more French in England than I did in France! I made a French friend on the way over.
The point is, I'm here to learn Arabic, meet Arabs, learn in the Arab mindset, feel the Arab culture, and immerse myself. I find that no matter where you are, the people who come into your life are in your life. I'm not in Jordan to search for American or Jewish friends, nor am I here to practice my Norwegian, Spanish, or Hebrew. But guess what, as much as I am apart from my life at home, I am still in a part of my life. It's great to meet people with whom I can do all of these things while at the same time surround myself with all of the 3arabiyya that I want. I will connect with whom I will connect with, and that's just what I'm doing. One of my closest friends since first grade lives across the street, and that's comforting and exciting. I bond with people who are eerily similar to me, come from eerily similar backgrounds, and even saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at the same inappropriate young age as me. I know Jews, Arabs, Armenians, Catholics, (Half) Asians, Caucasians from Asia, sensational people. How exciting this liberally conservative metropolis is!
That being said, it's late, and I am tired. It was a long week with a lot of soul searching. Seeing Israel all weekend put it in perspective that that world is just so close. I am closer to Jerusalem than all of the people in Tel Aviv. I'm not permitted to cross that border in this program, and well, that makes me uncomfortable for reasons including my inability to be open about my heritage here as well as my need for independence and freedom. Travel request forms, what a bitch.
Goodnight to all, wherever in the world you may be reading this from. Ramadan is over in 4 days, and I cannot wait for lunch dates to resume.
--Ibrahim
Sunday, September 21, 2008
illa il-janoub
As you can tell by my broken-Arabic title, we went to the south of Jordan this weekend!
This is me, in Wadi Rum! It's so beautiful. Soft, fine, red sand carpets the vast expanse with jagged mountains jutting upwards towards the clear, blue sky. The pools of sand that ride up into dunes that you sink into contrast with the razor-sharp mountains to create a feeling of being in an epic adventure, parking your camel to climb to the top of the mountain in order to look out into the distance to see if you can find water.
Watched the sunset and slept below the stars, both this night and the following night in Petra. In doing so, my camera managed to collect sand and refuse to focus unless I had zoomed all the way in. That wasn't going to work, so I had given up.
In Aqaba, we saw Israel, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia. It was unbelievable how close Eilat and Aqaba are. How massive Eilat is compared with the other cities. How blue the water in the Gulf of Aqaba is. How strange it is to be in between all of these vastly different nations. I had thoughts of jumping out and swimming to Israel, not thoughts of doing it but thoughts of the hypothetical. Thoughts of leaving my program, after all, I have enough credits to take a leave of absence, and just exploring this entire region, learning by doing. But they were just thoughts.
Ari and I, at the top of Petra, looking out into the Arava Mountains, reaching for the Holy Land--goofy! Petra is so beautiful. The Nabataeans really knew what they were doing with a chisel and hammer.
Indiana Jones, anyone?
We got back, and I was so incredibly wiped. Plans coming up for 3id (holiday after Ramadan), hoping to do Wadi Mujib and maybe Jabal Umm ad Dami, the highest point in Jordan--but I cannot find much info on it so I might have to do more research.
You can view the rest of my photos, and please do enjoy them. Comments are welcome, of course.
Classes are going great, have not heard back from internships yet, but if I do not by Tuesday, Ari and I are going to research working in falafel stands--he probably will even if I don't get a placement. West Bank Story, eh?!
This afternoon, after class, had a great time in the CIEE office with Ala' and Rasha. We played Spanish music, looked at photos, taught each other languages, and discussed some personal issues, like my being Jewish and Israel-Palestine. This last issue is a topic that all of us are interested in pursuing, and that makes me glad. Telling people that I'm Jewish is always thrilling and I love to see the reactions. Today, my friend Lena said, "It's okay, I accept you." Hah! She better!
Well, for now, my friends, I'm out. Take care, and enjoy my new photos!
--Ibrahim
 |
| From Kifkom Ya Shebab |
This is me, in Wadi Rum! It's so beautiful. Soft, fine, red sand carpets the vast expanse with jagged mountains jutting upwards towards the clear, blue sky. The pools of sand that ride up into dunes that you sink into contrast with the razor-sharp mountains to create a feeling of being in an epic adventure, parking your camel to climb to the top of the mountain in order to look out into the distance to see if you can find water.
 |
| From Kifkom Ya Shebab |
Watched the sunset and slept below the stars, both this night and the following night in Petra. In doing so, my camera managed to collect sand and refuse to focus unless I had zoomed all the way in. That wasn't going to work, so I had given up.
In Aqaba, we saw Israel, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia. It was unbelievable how close Eilat and Aqaba are. How massive Eilat is compared with the other cities. How blue the water in the Gulf of Aqaba is. How strange it is to be in between all of these vastly different nations. I had thoughts of jumping out and swimming to Israel, not thoughts of doing it but thoughts of the hypothetical. Thoughts of leaving my program, after all, I have enough credits to take a leave of absence, and just exploring this entire region, learning by doing. But they were just thoughts.
 |
| From Kifkom Ya Shebab |
Ari and I, at the top of Petra, looking out into the Arava Mountains, reaching for the Holy Land--goofy! Petra is so beautiful. The Nabataeans really knew what they were doing with a chisel and hammer.
 |
| From Kifkom Ya Shebab |
Indiana Jones, anyone?
We got back, and I was so incredibly wiped. Plans coming up for 3id (holiday after Ramadan), hoping to do Wadi Mujib and maybe Jabal Umm ad Dami, the highest point in Jordan--but I cannot find much info on it so I might have to do more research.
You can view the rest of my photos, and please do enjoy them. Comments are welcome, of course.
Classes are going great, have not heard back from internships yet, but if I do not by Tuesday, Ari and I are going to research working in falafel stands--he probably will even if I don't get a placement. West Bank Story, eh?!
This afternoon, after class, had a great time in the CIEE office with Ala' and Rasha. We played Spanish music, looked at photos, taught each other languages, and discussed some personal issues, like my being Jewish and Israel-Palestine. This last issue is a topic that all of us are interested in pursuing, and that makes me glad. Telling people that I'm Jewish is always thrilling and I love to see the reactions. Today, my friend Lena said, "It's okay, I accept you." Hah! She better!
Well, for now, my friends, I'm out. Take care, and enjoy my new photos!
--Ibrahim
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
welcome to the tribe
...she said to us as she handed us a plastic shopping bag containing a box.
Welcome to the tribe.
That's right, wi-Tribe. I HAVE INTERNET IN MY APARTMENT!
It happened so suddenly. Yesterday, I was walking with my friend Laura, who lives with Kathy, to Umniah, my cell provider. They have options to put your SIM card into a dongle that gets internet on your computer...slow internet. Well, Laura told me about the tribe. She said she was a member. So I went to her apartment and she showed me a device that looked awfully like a black, modern office building. Like this:
I am broadcasting the internet through my computer to Andrew's, and together we share high-speed internet for just 39JD a month!! Walla!
I am working on getting the microphone on my computer to work again so that I can not look like a fool with a headset. If I must, I must, but if not, I would like to put some videos up of my explaining my experiences to my audience. Your humble narrator wishes greatly to appeal to those following his journeys and even his routine with various forms of media in the most fashionable way possible.
I am on my way out to get a copy of JO Magazine and to meet with an editor of said magazine. I hope that it goes well and that I find myself comfortable in the company of the world of journalism. What an exciting possibility! Between this opportunity and the Jubilee School, I cannot go wrong. I am still awaiting an email back from them, but I know that the meeting went splendidly.
On having internet in my apartment... I'm free to do what I want, any old time. That includes:
Wish me luck on my interview, and do take care.
--Ibrahim
Welcome to the tribe.
That's right, wi-Tribe. I HAVE INTERNET IN MY APARTMENT!
It happened so suddenly. Yesterday, I was walking with my friend Laura, who lives with Kathy, to Umniah, my cell provider. They have options to put your SIM card into a dongle that gets internet on your computer...slow internet. Well, Laura told me about the tribe. She said she was a member. So I went to her apartment and she showed me a device that looked awfully like a black, modern office building. Like this:
I am broadcasting the internet through my computer to Andrew's, and together we share high-speed internet for just 39JD a month!! Walla!I am working on getting the microphone on my computer to work again so that I can not look like a fool with a headset. If I must, I must, but if not, I would like to put some videos up of my explaining my experiences to my audience. Your humble narrator wishes greatly to appeal to those following his journeys and even his routine with various forms of media in the most fashionable way possible.
I am on my way out to get a copy of JO Magazine and to meet with an editor of said magazine. I hope that it goes well and that I find myself comfortable in the company of the world of journalism. What an exciting possibility! Between this opportunity and the Jubilee School, I cannot go wrong. I am still awaiting an email back from them, but I know that the meeting went splendidly.
On having internet in my apartment... I'm free to do what I want, any old time. That includes:
- reading Israeli news
- Skyping in private, in order to discuss being Jewish, verbally dwell upon events in the Middle East, speak in Hebrew, and just feel as though I can be comfortable when speaking in English out loud
- check my email when it is necessary
- maintain connections to family and friends at convenient hours for both of us
- be more available for those who wish to speak with me
Wish me luck on my interview, and do take care.
--Ibrahim
Monday, September 15, 2008
3youn Mousa and THE WANDERING JEW
This weekend, Jackie and I went to Mount Nebo and Moses Springs. YES, this is the Moses Springs, or 3youn Mousa, where Moses struck a rock and out came--you guessed it, hot commodity--WATER!! But as you know, he hit it too hard, God got pissed and said, "You shall not go to the holy land." He went up on Mount Nebo, saw it, and somewhere around there he died and was buried. It's a pretty intense place.
While Mount Nebo is incredibly guarded and cared for, unfortunately Moses Springs and the building built by it are covered in graffiti. The bedouins nearby bring their goats and lambs to drink from the spring, which goes through some small crevices in the polluted rocks until it falls down a beautiful, green, viny waterfall into a small stream. Here are some photos from the trip, which was ridiculous.
After getting ripped off and abandoned at Mount Nebo, we explored as the place emptied out. We felt very alone, and a man working there called someone to offer us a ride to Moses Springs and take us back to Ma'adaba, our waypoint to 3mman. Our driver, Ahmed, spoke very little English and enjoyed throwing rocks at Jackie while yelling "ta3li!" as she trekked through the rocks in flip flops on a swollen ankle (not my story to tell).
We didn't get R'ed in the desert, nor did any of the questionable cars break down. I drank from the well, of course, and so far, no dysentery--at least no more than I already may have had. It was such an experience getting to be there, though, and drink from the water that may be flowing because God himself made it! Amazing to think that thousands of years ago, the Jews were wandering through that exact same spot. And here I am! Wandering! THE WANDERING JEW IN THE SANDS OF ARABIA. Hehe, I like that.
Well, my friends, I have a quiz tomorrow in Level 2 Arabic, yay for me for kicking my butt and skipping Intro. Domestic Domonday was tonight, 3rd one, and we are just getting better and better at this whole dinner party thing. Oh, and I joined a gym so I am feeling healthy and active. Adios amigos,
--Ibrahim
PS - See the rest of my photos from the weekend.
While Mount Nebo is incredibly guarded and cared for, unfortunately Moses Springs and the building built by it are covered in graffiti. The bedouins nearby bring their goats and lambs to drink from the spring, which goes through some small crevices in the polluted rocks until it falls down a beautiful, green, viny waterfall into a small stream. Here are some photos from the trip, which was ridiculous.
After getting ripped off and abandoned at Mount Nebo, we explored as the place emptied out. We felt very alone, and a man working there called someone to offer us a ride to Moses Springs and take us back to Ma'adaba, our waypoint to 3mman. Our driver, Ahmed, spoke very little English and enjoyed throwing rocks at Jackie while yelling "ta3li!" as she trekked through the rocks in flip flops on a swollen ankle (not my story to tell).
We didn't get R'ed in the desert, nor did any of the questionable cars break down. I drank from the well, of course, and so far, no dysentery--at least no more than I already may have had. It was such an experience getting to be there, though, and drink from the water that may be flowing because God himself made it! Amazing to think that thousands of years ago, the Jews were wandering through that exact same spot. And here I am! Wandering! THE WANDERING JEW IN THE SANDS OF ARABIA. Hehe, I like that.
Well, my friends, I have a quiz tomorrow in Level 2 Arabic, yay for me for kicking my butt and skipping Intro. Domestic Domonday was tonight, 3rd one, and we are just getting better and better at this whole dinner party thing. Oh, and I joined a gym so I am feeling healthy and active. Adios amigos,
--Ibrahim
PS - See the rest of my photos from the weekend.
ana badrus lugha arabiyya
Good morning to all.
Yesterday was the interview with the Jubilee School, a part of the King Hussein Foundation. It is a high school for gifted students, most of which come from poor areas of the city or the country. I got a great vibe from them, as I offered to volunteer to assist in English classes, Science classes, and after school activities to help students with English. It's a boarding school, so most of the students live there, or at least a good number of them. It's a really nice school, and I hope they take me and that my schedule works for them.
Level 2 Arabic is pretty good. Surprisingly I am doing very well in the class, having not had any Arabic. It also helps that the more I learn, the more I think it's the same language as this one. Seriously, very close first cousins or half-siblings or something.
Had a moustache for a few days, that was ridiculous. Photos coming up soon, I had such an amazing trip this weekend! I can't wait to tell all about it. It was beautiful, personal, and spiritual. The suspense...
--Ibrahim
Yesterday was the interview with the Jubilee School, a part of the King Hussein Foundation. It is a high school for gifted students, most of which come from poor areas of the city or the country. I got a great vibe from them, as I offered to volunteer to assist in English classes, Science classes, and after school activities to help students with English. It's a boarding school, so most of the students live there, or at least a good number of them. It's a really nice school, and I hope they take me and that my schedule works for them.
Level 2 Arabic is pretty good. Surprisingly I am doing very well in the class, having not had any Arabic. It also helps that the more I learn, the more I think it's the same language as this one. Seriously, very close first cousins or half-siblings or something.
Had a moustache for a few days, that was ridiculous. Photos coming up soon, I had such an amazing trip this weekend! I can't wait to tell all about it. It was beautiful, personal, and spiritual. The suspense...
--Ibrahim
Saturday, September 13, 2008
two days later
This is an essay of an entry that I wrote yesterday when I woke up:
Yesterday was the 11th of September. Now, I am sure that by starting this post in such a fashion, many people are going to assume that I am going to discuss the events that happened 7 years ago in New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington. Perhaps the feeling here on the 11th would have been different, with any sort of reaction or acknowledgment of the attacks and perhaps some sorrow for the effects that a few extremists brought upon this country, who couldn't have had less to do with the attacks: strain on economy, extreme decrease in tourism, and a vast misunderstanding of the Muslim religion and Arab culture.
But no, this is not something that I was planning to discuss. The 11th of September is special to me because of what happened two years ago. Without getting into too much detail, I must share that in the past two years, to the day, things have not looked the same to me. My first year at school, I felt that I was not really there. I felt that I was home, since that was where the changes in my life were being made. School was just the setting in which I was physically, and as a result it was very difficult to make many close relationships with people there. But my attention at home sent me thinking, trying to find more meaning in my own life.
Last summer, controversially, I went traveling in Israel and Europe for three months. I say controversially because I wanted to be home, to spend time with my family. The year had been extremely stressful, and our relationships strained through some very difficult decisions and dynamics. We had moved to Downingtown, which is easily called Bumblefuck if you are used to the city being 10 minutes away. Going home was stressful and always unpredictable. These new policies of honesty and emotional expression made me feel invaded. While I felt this way, I knew that my family was making positive steps toward becoming a stronger, healthier unit.
A wise man once told me that there are two types of pain in this world. There is the pain of death, and there is the pain of birth. What my family was going through in that year, and even longer than that, were the pains of birth. It took several years, but I feel that the place we are in now is so good.
Being in Europe last summer, I discovered two things:
* I don't really belong in Europe
* I am fascinated with and in love with the Middle East, particularly Israel/Palestine
What I did not discover was what that would mean. I discussed taking drastic measures to address my new love with my family, and quite honestly they were upset and I was confused. It was as if I wanted to make everything in my family feel right so that I wouldn't have to run away, while at the same time I wanted to have a new life. I could not have both.
My desire to learn as much about Israel/Palestine in the past year led me to take several classes, read several books and essays, and talk to as many people as I could about the culture and conflict. I began to learn Hebrew, made plans to learn Arabic, and traveled back to the region in the winter time. I went through religious phases, nonreligious phases, and fell somewhere in between, where I felt comfortable.
In February, when I decided to spend a year to study in the Middle East, I no longer felt guilty for leaving. Anna is in New York, Sarah in Arizona, my parents are going to Philadelphia, and here I am in Amman. We are all over the world; don’t worry, I know that I'm a bit further out there, being on a separate continent and all.
Since the 11th of September, 2006, we have all grown so much. My parents have found themselves countless times within the past year, making changes to their lifestyles and still pushing through the busy lives that they have, becoming even better people than the great people and parents they were before. Anna is in New York, doing what she's always wanted, and while it's challenging, she's growing each day she hits the pavement. While we're not in touch as well as I would like to be, I feel that we are closer now than we were when we lived 15 minutes apart in Boston. And Sarah, sorry guys but she gets the gold. As we speak, she's in isolation in the mountains of Northern Arizona on a backpacking trip. Won't you guys look up Prescott College? I'm thrilled to see her going to college and pursuing a life of her own. I can't wait to call her when she gets back to civilization!
Here I am, in Amman, Jordan, looking at the next few months with ambition and the months following that in Haifa with the widest eyes you've ever seen. I feel that my family's physical dispersion as well as our progress has led me to take this year without feeling that same selfishness that I felt last summer, when I was in Europe and the Middle East. I can be here without worrying about never coming back (I think and hope), and I am having an experience that is enhancing and completing my education in a way that none other could. I sit here in Amman, learning more about myself and this part of the world each day, sometimes seriously uncomfortable, counting the seconds to crossing the border, but that's when I'm learning most.
For those of you who persevered and read this entire entry, I commend you. For those of you who didn't, sorry for filling up your screen with a dauntingly long area of text. I will be working on the internal microphone in my computer to try and get a video up on this site within the next few days.
Ma as-salame,
--Ibrahim
Yesterday was the 11th of September. Now, I am sure that by starting this post in such a fashion, many people are going to assume that I am going to discuss the events that happened 7 years ago in New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington. Perhaps the feeling here on the 11th would have been different, with any sort of reaction or acknowledgment of the attacks and perhaps some sorrow for the effects that a few extremists brought upon this country, who couldn't have had less to do with the attacks: strain on economy, extreme decrease in tourism, and a vast misunderstanding of the Muslim religion and Arab culture.
But no, this is not something that I was planning to discuss. The 11th of September is special to me because of what happened two years ago. Without getting into too much detail, I must share that in the past two years, to the day, things have not looked the same to me. My first year at school, I felt that I was not really there. I felt that I was home, since that was where the changes in my life were being made. School was just the setting in which I was physically, and as a result it was very difficult to make many close relationships with people there. But my attention at home sent me thinking, trying to find more meaning in my own life.
Last summer, controversially, I went traveling in Israel and Europe for three months. I say controversially because I wanted to be home, to spend time with my family. The year had been extremely stressful, and our relationships strained through some very difficult decisions and dynamics. We had moved to Downingtown, which is easily called Bumblefuck if you are used to the city being 10 minutes away. Going home was stressful and always unpredictable. These new policies of honesty and emotional expression made me feel invaded. While I felt this way, I knew that my family was making positive steps toward becoming a stronger, healthier unit.
A wise man once told me that there are two types of pain in this world. There is the pain of death, and there is the pain of birth. What my family was going through in that year, and even longer than that, were the pains of birth. It took several years, but I feel that the place we are in now is so good.
Being in Europe last summer, I discovered two things:
* I don't really belong in Europe
* I am fascinated with and in love with the Middle East, particularly Israel/Palestine
What I did not discover was what that would mean. I discussed taking drastic measures to address my new love with my family, and quite honestly they were upset and I was confused. It was as if I wanted to make everything in my family feel right so that I wouldn't have to run away, while at the same time I wanted to have a new life. I could not have both.
My desire to learn as much about Israel/Palestine in the past year led me to take several classes, read several books and essays, and talk to as many people as I could about the culture and conflict. I began to learn Hebrew, made plans to learn Arabic, and traveled back to the region in the winter time. I went through religious phases, nonreligious phases, and fell somewhere in between, where I felt comfortable.
In February, when I decided to spend a year to study in the Middle East, I no longer felt guilty for leaving. Anna is in New York, Sarah in Arizona, my parents are going to Philadelphia, and here I am in Amman. We are all over the world; don’t worry, I know that I'm a bit further out there, being on a separate continent and all.
Since the 11th of September, 2006, we have all grown so much. My parents have found themselves countless times within the past year, making changes to their lifestyles and still pushing through the busy lives that they have, becoming even better people than the great people and parents they were before. Anna is in New York, doing what she's always wanted, and while it's challenging, she's growing each day she hits the pavement. While we're not in touch as well as I would like to be, I feel that we are closer now than we were when we lived 15 minutes apart in Boston. And Sarah, sorry guys but she gets the gold. As we speak, she's in isolation in the mountains of Northern Arizona on a backpacking trip. Won't you guys look up Prescott College? I'm thrilled to see her going to college and pursuing a life of her own. I can't wait to call her when she gets back to civilization!
Here I am, in Amman, Jordan, looking at the next few months with ambition and the months following that in Haifa with the widest eyes you've ever seen. I feel that my family's physical dispersion as well as our progress has led me to take this year without feeling that same selfishness that I felt last summer, when I was in Europe and the Middle East. I can be here without worrying about never coming back (I think and hope), and I am having an experience that is enhancing and completing my education in a way that none other could. I sit here in Amman, learning more about myself and this part of the world each day, sometimes seriously uncomfortable, counting the seconds to crossing the border, but that's when I'm learning most.
For those of you who persevered and read this entire entry, I commend you. For those of you who didn't, sorry for filling up your screen with a dauntingly long area of text. I will be working on the internal microphone in my computer to try and get a video up on this site within the next few days.
Ma as-salame,
--Ibrahim
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)